Letter to my daughters and sons sitting A’ Level pt 1

By Kamulegeya Muhammed (Hajj)
Hello, my dear ones. My last love note was when you were turning 18. Now that you are about
to turn 21, my appetite to educate you has gone up once again. My language is now superior
as well because you are now university undergraduates.
This particular letter, cover in a two-part series, will cover peer pressure, HIV, managing
expectations in life, and what the world of tomorrow expects of you. I shall conclude with
some general issues and messages of inspiration.
I will talk about peer pressure because it influences our lives at all levels; HIV because
although it is a subject you have been taught about since Primary 5, it is still as life-threatening
as it has always been; managing expectations in life because this has been a challenge for all
of us, and I feel it is good to discuss it in this note; and what the world of tomorrow expects of
you because you will be working with people who want more, better, faster, and sooner and a
balance scorecard to justify your tenure.
My anxiety to keep teaching you is because when I was your age, I was not afraid of taking
risks; it was like I had a spare life in case I messed up the one I had. But by God’s grace, I
survived. I can’t say I was not advised, but the management style then was rather
authoritarian, and many times we would miss the teaching point but simply obey out of fear.
There were no explanations but commands and instructions: “Never do this and that. If you do
it will be punished.”
Due respect to your grandparents (RIP); they were so loving and the unwelcome lashes I
received were a blessing in disguise and indeed the reason I am who I am today.
I write to you to save you from being as stupid as I was. This is also the era of talking and
teaching, but in addition, my survival instincts may not necessarily work for you as the
environment has completely changed.
At 40, I am referred to as Mzee, but in spite of all the love I have for you, I cannot donate to you
even a single year from my life; you have to count your own years and grow on your own. You
cannot even inherit my certificates, so the best I can do is to pass on some of the experiences
and knowledge I have accumulated over the last 54 years.
There are two types of knowledge; the one you buy from schools and universities and the one
that comes from different experiences. What I am going to give you, you cannot buy from any
bookshop. I am its sole owner until I write it down because two people can look at the exact
same thing and see something totally different.
According to the Uganda Constitution, you are now adults and answerable for all your actions.
However, by my constitution, you are simply big babies who have grown in the city. The city
environment is beautiful, but it denies you the basic interaction with the natural environment
that makes one an all-around person. The city environment is full of insincere behavior,
individualism, corruption, and an “everyone for themselves and God for all us” attitude.
The electronic and print media, online chat, and blogs are all full of decay and exaggerated
truth. The news items on TV are all about wars, wickedness, and senseless sensation
designed to brainwash your minds. The alternative menu is entertainment from artificial love
movies, nude dances, and science fiction. In the midst of all this, I offer real-life guidance.
I love the way you are maturing. Maturity has more to do with what type of experiences you
have and what you have learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you
celebrate.
As you make the transition and get ready to say farewell to childhood, I will write my final note
to you about marriage, because I want to believe that will be your next phase. However, that
should be after we have celebrated several degrees and then I will, God willing, be ready for my
next assignment to babysit my grandchildren.
All the letters I have written to you are from my heart. I sit back and wonder, “If I don’t tell my
children what they ought to know, who will?” This information is not academic, and that is why
I don’t provide references. I don’t write as an authority either, but simply dwell on my past
experiences, good and bad alike, while appending a little from my general reading. I encourage
you to read more to complement what I provide.
Learning is a continuous process. When I was growing up, my father’s word was final, and I
thought that was what would apply in my own family. But you have over time taught me to
listen and I have been quick to pick those lessons. We are all imperfect as human beings but
getting on the way we do provides the gleeful atmosphere which we enjoy here at home
together. I thank you for this.
HIV
One can say HIV has been over-discussed, but it is still here, infecting people and affecting
people the same old way, so to keep talking about it is simply a reminder that it is still here and
as deadly as ever before. I am, however, going to limit my emphasis to why females are more
prone to HIV infection than their male counterparts.
Immature women have fragile bodies that easily experience traumatic cuts during sex,
which then provide open windows for the virus to enter the body.
The female parts store deposited semen from the male for a long time, increasing the
chances of the HIV virus crossing over the thin mucous lining into the bloodstream and
thus leading to infection if the subject male is HIV positive.
Pregnancy weakens the birth canal lining increasing the risk of HIV infection.
All females are prone to rape if one falls in the wrong territory, so always avoid places and
activities likely to expose you, like drinking to the extent of not being in control of yourself.
In spite of whatever advice, you may get about sex at your age, your hormones will speak to
you with a contradictory message through the oestrous cycle also known as ovulation. During
ovulation, the hormones make a lady interested in the opposite sex more than at other times,
and there is nothing to be ashamed of about that. It simply shows that you are normal. In
lower animal species, it is called “being on heat”.
While this situation is humanly normal, natural, and healthy, it is a very dangerously tempting
moment of your life every month. You can easily fall prey to abuse, and the abusers are only
too willing to take advantage of you. The regrettable consequence is unwanted pregnancy
and/or HIV.
The good news is that God, in His wisdom, put controls over everything and as your different
systems go on a rampage, your brain (your conscience) can come in and demand order. Once
your mind seriously suppresses those feelings, they are containable. Here are some ways to
divert sexual feelings
As females, you are already protected by nature, because female sexual desire and arousal
come slower than in males. It is therefore important that before your feelings have the
better of you, you divert your attention to alternative activities that will make you busy in a
more helpful way.
It also helps to avoid pornographic and sexually explicit movies and literature as these add
fuel to fire.
Take a cold shower, or do a chore that takes up your mind and energy resources.
Remember, tantalizing names from enticers such as sunshine, sweeties, Honey, gold, Silver,
name it, are simply bait and you will become Katogo, Kikomando, Cassava, etc as soon as
the ritual is over.
Remember my words and do not fall for the trap.
The writer is the headteacher/ team leader for Kitebi Secondary School
Read Part 2 here